Sat 7th February 2015

Everyone has an opinion about love. We all want to be loved, many believe they are giving love, but few ever feel they receive love. It is nevertheless a vital and essential ingredient in all our relationships, more so in a marriage relationship. So what is love? Why don't we feel loved?


The more excellent way of love

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude.  Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy.  Love does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.


Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.  Love is unconditional. If you love someone you will
be loyal to him or her no matter what. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.


True love has no reason. Whenever there is a reason to love, such as "I love you because... or I love if... or I love you whenever you do..., it is not love. The because's, if's and whenever's will fail but love never fails.  Love is a choice. Love is a decision. Love is an act of your will and is not dependent on the one being loved but by the one who loves.


The ultimate expression of love

For God so greatly loved the world that He gave up His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.


 "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love. It is the prerogative of the brave."

"Mahatma Gandhi"


You don't love me anymore

Most married men at some point in their marital life will be confronted with these infamous words from their wives "You don't love me anymore!" It usually meets with the response "what do you mean I don't love you? I married you! I have kids with you! " Of course I love you, but what she does means is she does not feel loved at that moment in time. We quite often get our wires crossed because we do not understand each other and often mis-communicate. This is what gives credence to the phrase "men are from Mars and women from Venus"


Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

When you come from different planets, it is likely that you speak different languages. Communication however between man and woman during courtship leading on to the wedding and the "honeymoon" period seems to be okay. Actually there is very little communication because you are both speechless and blinded with love. It is such an exciting time that just hanging around each other is great. That is until they came back down to earth with a bang. 


Language of love

We have attempted to translate the Martian and Venusian languages into English. This we hope will help you effectively express and communicate your love for one another.


This is expressed through physical contact. It may be just holding hands, cuddling, hugging and kissing or sex.

This is expressed when we do for one another. Men may express this by doing household chores like washing dishes, ironing, taking out the garbage etc. Quite often the women are looking after children, doing school runs, cooking meals etc. It is more than just the sharing out of chores. Each person in an act of love goes out of his way to be of service to the one they love.

This is expressed through the words we speak to each other.  Words that encourage and build up your spouse like "I love you", "You look beautiful", "You make me want to be a better person", "You make me tingle all over" are fantastic, and we should all try saying these more often. There is a French saying which says it is not only necessary to love, it is necessary to say so.

It is said that we are more blessed when we give than when we receive. Each one of us should do our best to out-give the other.  Spontaneity is the key here. The impact of the thoughtfulness is more important than the gift itself.  Unexpectedly showing up with a bunch of flowers or giving of presents in appreciation of your spouse.

This is expressed through the time we spend together. We can be so busy with life that we forget to spend quality time together. This "real" time is the time important decisions are made. The conversation you have at this time is more intimate than the usual how is your day at work? It was fine, thank you. It provides you or your spouse the opportunity to express the desires of your heart.



Have some fun by doing this exercise together with your spouse.

1. Write down in preferential order what you believe your love language to be.

2. Write down in preferential order what you think your spouse's love language is.

3. Compare and learn

4. Act upon what you learnt

5. Do this exercise at least once a year.

We at makeover designs pray that your love for one another will be everlasting and the expression of love in your marriage will be full to overflowing.


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